4. Caregivers

We hope these blogs from one of our members will remind you that you are not alone and that others understand exactly what you are going through.

Caregivers are those friends and family members who want to help you. They don’t know exactly what you need because you are too damn independent to tell them. But they are there for you and they are priceless. They come in shapes and sizes.  

The Nurturers are just always there when you need them. They are selfless in their devotion. The only thing they can’t grasp is exactly how to help you feel better. 

The Generals want to run your life for you. They are pretty sure that chemo brain means you can’t make a rational decision on your own. The Angry Spouses are mad at cancer but don’t know who to take it out on. They might be upset for you or upset about the drastic change in their family dynamic.  They’ve lost the power to make everything right. They may become over-protective or they may temporarily shut down, but they are so much a part of your healing process.   

The Feeders supply you with mounds of comfort food. All this great food that you didn’t have to cook, and you have no appetite. There is no justice. 

The Patronizers grab both your hands in public places and, exuding sympathy, say “How ARE you?”  So now everyone in the room knows there is something wrong with you. 

The Deer in the Headlights don’t know what to say to you, so they avoid you.

Do you know what they all have in common? They love you and they feel helpless. They want to help but don’t have a clue just how to do that. Cut them some slack. They mean well. Learn to depend on them when they offer help. Learn to ask for help. Moms-let your children help you. It will comfort them. And the world won’t end if your husband vacuums or your wife mows the lawn.

Learn to accept if they do not know how to handle your illness perfectly. Think of how you looked at cancer a year before you were diagnosed.